Disclosure: This is full of typos and spelling errors, but I only had so much time and I really wanted to post this for Austin's Birthday. Please excuse the errors and understand that I am just typing this as fast as I can. (Because I have got to go to sleep.)
My Baby, who is not a baby anymore, but this amazing young man.
Oh, How I love him.
Today Austin turned 14. It is so hard to believe that it was that long ago that that little person came into my life. It was truely the best day of my life. So here is my long story:
(Austin at 8)
It was a Wednesday, April 19, 1995. I was HUGE!! I had a doctors appt. early that morning and was praying the doctor was going to tell me I was ready to have a baby. I was still five away from my due date, but I could not stand being pregnant one more day! I had done everything to try to put myself in labor. I thought it was ironic that I found myself wishing for pain! Pain of Labor. When I went to the doctors appt. they checked my urine sample. The nurse said my protein was high & I had gained 5 pounds in a week, so she thought the doctor might induce me. The Doctor came in and said, I was mot Dialating & the protien was not too high. I started to tear up and told the doctor, I just was done being pregnant. He was compassionate and said he was inducing a couple of other ladies on Friday and if I could get here by 5:30am, he could fit me in and see if we could get this rascal out. I about kissed that man!! I waddled my swollen self out of that doctors visit and went straight to the COllege (SUU, We lived in Cedar City, Utah at the time.) I found Derek between classes and said, "Derek, we are going to have the baby on Friday." He went three shades whiter. It hit him. We were really having a baby. I was as happy as could be. I celebrated by going and grabbing a bite to eat. (We were starving COllege students, with our first motrgage, so that was huge to me.) I felt a bit reckless getting the Nachos and hoping I would not regret it later. I got home. I was suppose to be on bed rest from that point on, because of the toximia coming on. So I plopped my swollen self on the couch and decided to watch The Price is Right. (It was still early) But to my shock, I turned on the TV and learned that the OKlahoma Bombing had just happened.
(Austin at Family Home Evening)
It had just happened and was barely being televised and then they said, that their was a daycare center in the building. I sat, I sobbed, and I prayed. I felt so selfish. Here I was so anxious to get my baby out of me, when people were losing their babies in such a horrible, sensless way. My Nachos went to waste, I could not eat, I felt sick as I watch the news for the next 9 hours of the day. Derek came home later that day and had heard what had happened. He had to head to work and asked me not to watch the news anymore. Derek did not like that I was so upset and did not want it to effect me or the baby. So I sat in the tub that night and read, my lamaze exercizes book. I had this thing Underlined, dog eared, Highlighted. Derek had school the next day & promised he would be home around four. I didn't watch any TV. I cleaned my house and that was the last my house was clean. Derek came home & I drilled him with question of how to suppport me during labor. I was all about the Epidural! I figured, that I was going to the same prize at the end, so why not have some pain relief. But Derek & I took the Lamaze class, just to have that full experience of "Having a Baby".
(The weekend Austin got baptized and he is hanging out infront of our house with his brothers and his cousins. My Brother Jim's Boys.)
He fell asleep about 10:00pm. He asked me if I was going to be able to sleep. I said I would, just to soothe him so that he would fall asleep without worrying about me. I set my alarm for 3:30am. It was like Christmas eve and The day before my Wedding; Nerves, excitement, wonder, worry, etc. I felt my eyes start getting heavy and as I looked at the clock it was 3:15am. I shut them and in what felt like a few seconds the alarm went off. I wanted to look good that day. (Well as good as a 200 pound girl could look.) I remembered, the videos in the lamaze class and the ladies who had the epidurals, still had their make up on and hair done after the baby came out. So as I showered, I felt Austin moving around and again I felt a mixture of emotion. By this point every tome he moved, it hurt! But this was the last morning of my life that I would feel this little person inside of me. And...well..I had kind of grown attached to this little person inside of me. It was like carrying a little piece of Derek with me, were ever I went. I proceeded to do full hair make-up and Extra Hairspray, just to make sure I looked decent in the pictures. (Silly..Silly Girl!)
(Austin & Jaxon)
Derek and I had a prayer and then Scripture study. Then I ran and cleaned the last toilet. Derek was thinking I was crazy. I was. I am. When we walked outside of our door on that APril Morning, it was still dark and snow flakes were falling and starting to stick to the ground. We both laughed and I felt this amazing felling of peace. The past few weeks had been sunny even hot. But not today, it was going to snow. To this day when I get snowflakes in my eyelashes, I think of that dark peaceful morning when Derek & set out to "the unknown" with excitement in our eyes as we kissed and knew, our lives would be forever changed. (We just did not realize how different.)
We got the hospital, got suited up, had the IV put in, the Doctor broke my water and at 7:30 I was thinking, "You know this isn't that bad, maybe I could do this without a Epidural. By 9:00am I was pulling the sheet over my head and asking if the Epidural man was coming!! By 10:00am relief. I did itch terribly. I was begging Derek to scratch my back so hard that he was nervous that he was going to scrtach my skin off. My back was wet from sweat and the water seaping out of me ontoo the blue pad above my sheet, that I lay on. By 10:30 we figured out I was allergic to the epidural. By 11:00am the epidural was not working and I was feeling EVERYTHING!!
(Autin crushing Jaxon in a heated game of Twister.)
I begged for a epidural refill, they gave it to me, but it did not do anything. The Epidural guy, Smiled as I told him how bad I hurt. He just replied that my body was doing what it was suppose to and that the baby was coming. He also rolled a closed, cold can of soda over my belly and asked if I could feel that. My reaction told him, I did. By Noon Derek & I were in heavy Lamaze mode and I was telling him I wanted to go home. THe baby was not getting enough oxygen and between, the mask, the sweat dripping down my face, the itching, and transitional pain, I was done! The nuse checked me and said I was alomost a seven. She had to check a few other things and less then fifteen mintues after she had checked me I asked her to sheck me again, although she thought it was pointless, she did. Next thing I know she is yelling, "Your at a 10! I am getting the doctor." By 12:45 the room was filling up and the doctor came in. The nurse was in our ward and she told me that sometimes pushing can take a few hours. I was so tired at that point and was feeling this overwhelming pressure that all I thought was, "That was the worst short pep talk, ever given!" Derek was by my side counting my pushes, telling me I could do it. I just focused on him. At 1:10pm. Our baby was out. My first question was, "What is it?" We did not want to know the sex of the baby during the pregnancy, but we both felt like it was a boy.
(Austin with Kason, Megan & cousin's Jaden & Derek "the Football Star" My Brother Jim's kids)
Sure enough the Doctor answered, "It's a Big Baby Boy!" I was so relieve to hear him cry and see his "Boatright scowl" (As Derek puts it.) He was perfect. Austin Derek Keller was born at 1:10pm on April 21, 1995. He weighed nine pounds & six ounces. He was 21 & 1/2 inches long and he had auburn hair. (not much, but he did have some.) The Grandparents filed in with cousins, aunts, & friends to see our new baaby. Later as the day went on and everyone went home. Just my Mom stayed and combed out my matted hair. Needless, to say the Make-up melted off and that extra hairspray just added to the mass of sweat and knotted hair.
(Austin playing Clifford at the ELementry School Book Fair)
Later that night, after everyone went home, I was walking around and in no need of help to get around. The nurses were amazed, but I felt so exhilerated to have the baby out, that I enjoyed walking around without the pressure of a nine pound baby against my pubic bone. I came out of the bathroom and Derek said, "I think the baby is poopy" I said, "Well I think we should have a tradition that you change our kids first diaper. He was the oldest of seven and shrugged his shoulders and said, "OK." He did not realize that the first poop was a sticky tar substance. He was like "Holy Moly KiD" We were both laughing. Then later on that night, "The nurses came in to take hime to the nursery, so I could sleep." But I told them I wanted more time with him. So Derek and I layed in bed, sitting up so we could hold our new little baby between us. The room was dim and Austin was peeping his eyes open at us. Their we sat, a little family. I turned to Derek and said, "Thank-you for making my dreams come true." That song, "Can you feel the love tonight?" Came to my mind and I sang it to my little guy as tears rolled my cheeks. What a Heavenly Moment.
The birth was harder then I thought it would be, but in the end it was worth it. I learned then that Life is not always what you think it will be. There will be hard times. Times were you want to throw in the towel. But There are perfect moments that get us throught those times. And Focusing on the good moments makes life so much easier. (Not easy just easier) And in the end, it is all worht it!
(Austin for Halloween, being a typical 11 year old boy.)
How thankful I am to have a son who honors his priesthood. Who tries hard to be obediant. He is nicked name "My right hand Man. Even though he is left handed. My Mother in law gave me a book called, "I love you Forever" It is a book that still makes me cry when I read it. (I know I am just a big baller.) But I sure love this young Man and I am so grateful he is my son.