Someday I want to write a book about Falling in Love. I think it is Heavenly.
The September after I turned nineteen, I found myself at a crossroads in life. This crossroad came much faster then I was expecting in my life. I had met Derek in the begining of July and we hung out as friends about everyday after that. We were having fun with water fights while washing my car, hiking, Debating our opinions, talking on the grass during a rainstorm in Ivins. (I love the smell of Ivins after a storm) When we met for lunch at Taco Bell or whereever, I would drip somehing on my shirt, everytime. I was so embarrassed, but it was just Derek and as I would try to clean it up, he would laugh and say, "Jennifer, I am sorry, I forgot to bring you a Bib."
We planned a trip up to SLC and I was going to visit with family, while he was away. After a few days, I was going to the Airport in SLC to pick him up. I realized....I liked him more then a friend and it spooked me. He had had such a horrible trip, (I did not know this at the time) and when he saw me he just dropped his bags and grabbed me up in a huge hug. Now I was freaking out. Because maybe he feels this way too. My instict was RUN!!!! But he was my ride home.
On the trip home, he told me about his trip to Arkansas. It was awful and I was just sick for him and wished I could have been there for him. When we stopped at the gas station he said, "Hey...don't think I forgot it was your birthday, today! I got you a gift at the airport." ( I know...precious) He just had it in a bag and I opened it and it was a hand held mirror that whistled when you lifted it up to look at yourself. I laughed nervously. He laughed and with a smile said, "Well, it was that or the Death March Mirror. I thought this was better." He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips as he was geting ready to get out of his truck and get it gassed up. By this point my face was burning. He had nerver kissed me on the lips before, granted it was a friend kiss, but I was aa bundle of nerves.
I thought I was just going to have to tell him when we got home that we can just be friends, I did not want to have any relationships. I already kknew how it felt to have your heart broken and I was not going to let that happen again. Well, it didn't work out quite that way. He took me to BYU to walk around the campus, because he knew I wanted to go to school there. It was a Sunday and the campus was empty. WE walked with me holding onto him from behind and I realized, I did not have it in me to stay away from him. So we had the best time on the way home. That when we got to Cedar City, only an hour away from our destination, I was sick. I did not want the day to end. He dropped me off at home and asked for a kiss gooodnight, but I said, "You are going to have on that." His Birthday was two day later and I think on that day he was spooked. We took turns being nervous of what was going on in our friendship that was quickly becoming something else. On a lovely Ivins August night, he was leaving the house where I lived as usual and I normally did not walk him out. But as he got up to leave, I told him he forgot to kiss me goodnight. If there is a top 20 list kept on the sweetest most amzing first kisses that last over an hour, Derek and I are at the top that list. Everyday after was pretty amazing. Falling in Love is truley a heavenly feeling. One Night Derek and I went to a dance at a local church and I could tell he was distant. His buddy, Bud, was with us. He started speaking Spanish to Bud, and he was telling Bud, " Man, Bud there are alot of cute girls here tonight, I wish I came to this alone. Little did he know that although, I do not speak fluent Spanish, like he did. I was from So. California and I could pick up on what he was saying. I was heart broken and after a couple of dances, I told him that I had to go to work early. He picked up on that I was hurt and asked me if I was OK. I said, "I am fine. Go have fun. Like you said, 'Their are alot of cute girls here.' I laughed as I got in the car and in my rear view mirror I saw him standing there watching me drive away with his hands in his pockets. I think they were. My laughter was covering up the unevitable sob that was coming up my throat. My face was wet with tears and all I thought to myself was, "How did I let this happen to me again?"